have a lousy life; you deserve it

We were supposed to spend that night together, go on a picnic and watch the fireworks. He had particularly asked me to spend this night with him, he said it would mean much to him. This was such a rare occasion I immediately cancelled all my other plans. I was very very happy but tried not to show too much excitement so that I wouldn’t have annoyed him. And strangely enough, I felt nervous too. Then his best friend called and said he and his wife were in town so they would come to visit. So, we postponed the picnic and waited for hours and hours. When they finally came, it was too late for the picnic anyway. After a short ‘hello’ no one noticed me anymore. Nobody talked to me. He didn’t talk to me, he didn’t touch me, he didn’t even look at me.

I stared out the window, my cheeks were burning, I felt humiliated and alone.

After awhile he’s leaving for work and his friends are leaving with him. After a casual ‘bye’ the door closes and I stand there staring at the door. Few seconds later he comes back- alone -looking a bit embarrassed: “I felt like I forgot something” and he gives me a kiss. Then he’s gone. I stare out the window an watch him disappear into the night. I feel humiliated and two tears are burning my cheeks. I am alone.

I know, you never asked me to love you.

I never asked to love you.

I don’t want to love you anymore.

but I still do.

I had waited for him to say something nice to me. To let me know how happy he is to see me. To let me know how much he has missed me. To let me know how much I mean to him.

He looks at me and smiles: “You know, it’s great that you’re here because you can help me financially too”